I am having some identity issues; namely, I've lost my old identity. Whenever I would meet someone for the first time and they would ask about me, one of the first, if not the first, things I would say is that I'm a high school English teacher. For the past 5 years, that is who I was. And before I started teaching, I was a future English teacher. A month ago, my husband went back to school, and I didn't. This year, I'm home. I am a mom. It's my new identity. And even though I have mommy guilt about saying it, I think I'm missing my old identity. It's not at all that I am not enjoying being home with my baby, because I most certainly am. And I LOVE not taking work home in the form of planning and essay grading. But I do miss being a professional woman and working in place with kids everywhere. Yesterday, while walking into downtown with Ethan, I reprimanded a young girl for swearing as I walked past. She promptly retorted, "You shut your damn mouth," which did make me glad I don't have to reprimand obnoxious kids in the hall all day, but it also made me a little sad. That girl had no idea that I was a teacher. She thought some annoying woman walking her baby was getting into her business, which I was. I no longer have that "teacher card" that allows me the authority to reprimand kids who aren't my own. Of course, I don't just miss reprimanding kids; I also miss just being with them. I miss my low level kids who could be so rude and so frustrating and so annoying dumb, yes dumb, sometimes but then surprise you with an intelligent question about a reading or a simple hello. I miss the breakthroughs I would have with some of my students from time to time. And I miss the camaraderie with my colleagues...some of them. All this said, though, I can't imagine being back there right now nor can I imagine it for next year, when Ethan is toddling around. So, will I always miss it this much?
This has to be all for now. My sweet little boy has just woken up from a great nap, a nap that allowed his mama to shower, eat breakfast, dry her hair, and type this post. Bye for now.
1 comment:
Wow, great blog bud. You may not be teaching now but you still write like an English teacher. Being a teacher always was a big part of your identity, I remember you talking about it in highschool. I didn't know what I wanted to be as much, because in the back of my mind I guess I just knew I wanted to be a mom. Still, it is hard now that I am a mom. It's just such a different type of work. It is so important to that little family of yours, but at times, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to people outside in the real world. But there are so many wonderful things about being a mom...sometimes it just has to be left at that.
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