Musings

There are days that I hardly remember my old life: BK (before kids). It's a whole different world now, with my biggest worries being only about my children and their lives (keeping them germ-free, teething, strange sleep patterns, nightmares, shyness, acting out, discipline, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera) instead of school related stuff. This is my fourth year home. After next year, I will have been home the same amount of time that I was in the classroom. That's nuts!


And if you think that doesn't scare the heck out of me, you're wrong. How much will be different when I return to a classroom? (Already, Will comes home with acronyms that mean nothing to me! PLC what?) How much more will the other teachers know than me? If you listen to any education news lately...how much less will the kids know? Will I have any credibility? Will my colleagues look at me differently because I chose to stay home and not continue teaching with kids? Will my new students see right through me? Will I be able to keep up with the work and still give my kids (biological and otherwise) the attention they will need? Was I ever any good at teaching? Will I ever be good? All things I think about, more often than I'd like to admit.



I, of course, don't have to worry about any of it for a while, as I don't think I'll return to the classroom until my own kids are in the classroom full time, but that doesn't mean these worries aren't present. For now, I'm really just so grateful for the chance I have right now to be at home with my kids. If there's one thing I am positive about, it is that I would not be good at doing both. I know that I would be a cranky mess all the time, overwhelmed and unhappy. I think Will knows this, too, which is why he encouraged me to stay at home. He prefers me happy and just plain whelmed. And for this I love him because as monotonous and draining and frustrating as my days can be, I know this is where I, personally, belong. And I love most days.

And, so, let me tell you what my days are looking like lately...

Eleanor is coming up on 9 months. She's a very happy little girl, and she adores her big brother. She lights up whenever Ethan is around, despite the fact that he buries her in pillows, takes her toys, and, the other day, even covered her up in an empty garbage can. (I admit it was terribly funny since when I lifted the can up, she was smiling and laughing because she knew she was playing with big brother.) She's not crawling yet, definitely lagging behind big brother in the moving department. At this age, Ethan was rolling all over the place and close to pulling himself up, if not already walking along the couch. Eleanor, on the other hand, seems to have forgotten how to roll. She hates being on her tummy, but I've been giving her a lot more tummy time to give her the opportunity to practice rolling and getting ready to crawl. She does some scooting and looks like she'll at least be army crawling soon. I'm not worried about her, and, honestly, once she crawls my life gets harder, so if she holds off until after the Christmas tree comes down, that's okay with me. ;)

She loves to eat, and I've started giving her a lot more table food the past week or so. She's an expert at Puffs and Cheerios, and I've also given her small bits of banana, avocado, peas, and carrots. The other day, if I put some banana chunks on this little fork, she would grab it and put the fork in her mouth the right way. She sure does take after me in her eating habits! Sleepwise, she's still pretty good though she's been up randomly at night the last week or so. Since she doesn't have any teeth yet, I always assume she's teething, but who knows? It hasn't been bad, and she naps really well and predictably every day, so that's good. She still does not take a bottle and treats sippy cups like toys. I'm working on it. Recently, she stopped nursing on one side, which is a bit strange, but it seems to be fine.

And, in public, she's about as smiley as Ethan was stoic. It's really fun taking her places like the grocery store because people just love her! It helps that she's often wearing her cute knit hat with a giant flower attached to it. I swear, I've never had so many people stop me to oogle my baby. Even middle-aged men - not just grandparents and women! Sometimes, it's a bit overwhelming, and I just want to continue shopping without the fuss. But, mostly, I love it. Overall, Eleanor is super easy going and fun.

Ethan = definitely fun, but not so easy. People always say 3 is worse than 2, and those people are absolutely right. I don't know who coined Terrible Twos, but that guy (I assume it was a guy) is an idiot. Maybe it was just the alliterative nature of the term that appealed to him, but I think that Stinky Threes should catch on. Even as I type this, though, I realize that Ethan has been actually not too bad lately. Summer Ethan was more difficult (tantrum city!), but he's calmed down a bit. Either that, or I've learned how to deal with him better. He's pleasant more than he's unpleasant, I guess I'd say, but those unpleasant times are not fun - for anyone. I'm convinced that how bad a kid can be is proportional to how cute he is. And Ethan's downright adorable, if you catch my drift. It's mother nature's way of preventing a mother from doing harm to her child. Every time I feel like I want to mangle him in some very unmothery way, he looks at me with those giant eyes, says something goofy or puts a garbage can over his sitting sister, and all is forgotten. I always say it's a good thing he's super cute. Or we may have accidentally left him someplace a long time ago.

He's really opening up in school, according to his teacher, which is nice to hear. Truthfully, the main goal I had for him in school was to reduce his shyness and give him some more social interaction. It seems to be doing the trick. Today, at Trader Joe's, instead of me telling the check out guy that Ethan found Curious George (they give them a sucker), he actually said it himself. He said it very softly, but it's a vast improvement from him hiding behind me and demanding that I say it for him. He has a lot of friends at school, and it seems that he has a really nice class in general. I haven't heard of a single issue, and he hasn't mentioned anyone in an unflattering way. In fact, he seems to like everyone, as evidenced by his carrying his class picture around, telling me who everyone is in the photo.

Ethan's playing habits are pretty interesting. He's big into imaginary play and likes to role play. He plays the drums (paint cans) and takes requests out of his Spiderman comic book as if it's sheet music. He also likes to pretend like he's fixing things. When we put together his train tracks, for example, he hammers each piece we put together. Oh, and puzzles. The kid loves puzzles. Probably his favorite thing is to build towers with Will. Will is great at creating these really cool castles and towers, and then Ethan plays with his "fig-urs" in them. Most of them have at least a trap door or two.

Oh, and Ethan has all of a sudden become a lawyer. He tries to argue about everything, but in a roundabout way. If I say no to candy at 8 am, he says, "Weeeeeeellllllll, I'm not going to have Pez" as if that explains that he can have other candy. The long "well" is a new, funny thing, too. That, and the expression "of course." The other day at the zoo I asked if he wanted to sit next to me and eat his lunch. His reply, uttered as if it was the only option: "Of course!" He's a goof. In school, they work on the days of the week, but he surely doesn't have them down yet. He uses them against us all the time, though, by saying things like, "No, we don't take naps on Wednesdays." When he says this on Thursday, he will respond with a long "Well, that is because Thursdays and Wednesdays are no nap days. They are Peter Pan days, Mommy." Duh.

Speaking of Peter Pan days, today actually is one, and I may just watch (read: nap) along with him.