Softened Butter is for Suckers

I could certainly be wrong about this, but I think most women, if given the choice, would rather bake cookies than cook a meal. (Please, feel free to weigh in in the comment section -that means you, too, Mom!) Everybody loves cookies, and cake, and muffins, and cupcakes, and other sweet treats. And I am no exception. But, unlike many women, I HATE baking. I'll make the occasional batch of cookies and I'll make easy box brownies, but only once a year will I subject myself to the torture that is a full day of baking. Even continuous Christmas music piping through the house did little to brighten my baking mood. The only fun part was letting Ethan help with the mixing since he gets a big kick out of my Kitchen Aid. But, really, as much as I will enjoy eating the fruits of my labor, I wish I was a person who felt okay about buying all their Christmas cookies. Alas, since I'm a glutton for punishment and must bake my own cookies, I will simply complain about the woes of baking.

Let's start with the title of this post: softened butter. How annoying is it to soften butter? It always takes way longer than expected, so the baking schedule gets thrown off. And don't even try rushing the process by microwaving or putting the butter on a preheating oven. All this does is give you liquid butter that yields mediocre cookie dough. That, or a very messy stove top. Trust me.

Another frustrating aspect for me about baking is the measuring. Everything has to be just right or your cookies don't taste right. Have you ever used baking powder instead of baking soda? News flash, Michelle: They're not the same! Mess up one ingredient and your family will be eating rock hard, dry, salt-cookies.

And the idea of no substitutions brings me to what brought me to the ledge yesterday: running out of ingredients. Mid-preparation yesterday, I realized I was out of brown sugar. I had done a check of flour and sugar the day before but forgot about brown sugar. Since I knew substituting was a big no no, I had to run out the store. To avoid the grocery store, I walked to 7-11 on the corner only to find that they did not have brown sugar. So, I walked home, got in the car, and went to Dominicks. I came home, almost a half hour later, only to find out later on that I was about out of vanilla extract! God, I hate baking. Luckily, I had enough to make most of my cookies, or I might have lost it.

The mess of baking is another frustration for me. I don't mind messes in the kitchen while cooking, but the mess you get from baking sticks around for a long time. There is a dusting of flour over every surface in my kitchen, including inside drawers. And I can hear the sugar crunching under my feet as I walk through the kitchen today. (As if hardened sweet potatoes on the floor isn't enough.) And the mess extends further with baking, since I have to use the kitchen table for the baking racks. What I wouldn't give for more counter space and an island.

While trying to clean up some of the mess, it's very easy to accidentally ruin some of the cookies, too, by keeping them in the oven 30 seconds past their timer. Nothing burns faster than cookies. And if you don't get them out at exactly the right moment - give or take a half a second - they are practically ruined. Some squirrels, if they were desperate enough, will be surviving the bitter cold of winter on my burnt chocolate chip cookies thrown in the yard.

The funny thing is, I didn't make anything fancy yesterday. I made chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin, an easy sugar cookie, and no-bake marshmallow wreaths. I planned to make spritz cookies, but after hours of baking, I knew my testy spritz cookie maker could be the thing to force me off the aforementioned ledge. Plus, I wasn't sure if I had enough vanilla! My mom and grandma make all these cookies and then at least 5 more different kinds. And they seem to do it effortlessly.

I guess I'm just not cut out to be a baker. Maybe it comes from my natural tendency to prefer dinner to dessert. I like sweets, but I don't love them. Those of you who know me well, know I'd much rather have a steak and potato than a piece of cake or pie. I've just never had an ultra-sweet tooth. But I do love to be in the kitchen and have said that my dream job would be a personal chef. I guess I will have to find someone like me, though, who likes a good, home cooked meal and would rather have seconds than dessert. While cooking a meal, you can substitute for all kinds of ingredients and skip the measuring cups all together. Simply taste your work often. Plus, when you cook with butter, you can take it right from the fridge (or freezer even), put it in the pan, and let it melt right away. None of this softened business!

Here's my little helper adding some flour mixture to the dough.
Done!