On Not Returning to School this Fall (and pictures of Ethan for those of you who could care less about my feelings)

The other day, I passed a teacher supply store (The Chalkboard for all you educators out there) and I started to cry. The funny thing is, I did not go to The Chalkboard often as it mostly specializes in early educational materials, but seeing it made me think about the beginning of the school year and the excitement it brings. Those of you who are teachers know what I'm talking about, I imagine. We all mostly dread the end of summer for obvious reasons but also look forward to the start of the school year.

Admit it.

You do.

Here's why:

• There's something familiar about setting up your classroom, putting up your posters where you want them, arranging the pictures on your desk, placing your materials in filing cabinets, etc. And when you spend as much time at school as Will and I do, that classroom becomes part home. I always loved being in my room late in the afternoon when the school was mostly empty save the mice and a few janitors. The air was different somehow, and any idea I came up with in those late hours always seemed brilliant somehow.

• The friendships with teaching colleagues are like no other because you understand each other so well. I have many friends in my department, and it's strange for me to think about them going through those first couple of Institute Days - catching up on everyone's summer, making fun of the Hear Me Roar awards that go to the same people time after time, using the opening speeches as a time to organize their gradebooks - all without me. Does LT still function without me? Of course it does. But I often choose to think it cannot.

• The first week or so of class, while exhausting, is very interesting as you get to know your classes and pinpoint the troublemakers, the geniuses, and the kids who need a little extra lovin'. I will miss getting to know a whole new batch of freshmen. And then I will see these mystery students in town and will not recognize them because, alas, I'm not teaching them. My husband may recognize them, and they him, but they will all simply see me as Mr. Meuer's wife and nothing more. Not sure why this bothers me, but it does.

• When you're a teacher, a teacher who really cares about what they do, you cannot help but take pride in that fact. I, of course, still take pride in saying I am a stay at home mom, but I don't think I'll ever stop saying I'm a teacher, too, no matter how many years I take off. It's such a large part of who I've been, well before I even stepped into my own classroom.

Please, make no mistake about it. I'm happy with my decision to stay home and any sadness has nothing to do with not wanting to be home with Ethan. I imagine my previous post made it pretty clear how enamored I am with my young boy. I will treasure so much of the laughter we'll share all year and know how lucky I am for this chance to be at home with him. And I know it's a very important job, too. But I cannot help but mourn a little bit for my previous life, one that brought me a sense of belonging, great feelings of accomplishment, and, well, a husband!

A friend of mine is starting up a photography business, and she asked if she could take a few pictures of Ethan. She is going to be specializing in on site photography, basically meaning she'll come to you, and if you're interested, check out her website:

http://www.annamariesphotography.com/

(These are just a small sample of the pictures she took, and they are unedited. I couldn't wait for them all, so she sent me a few.)