For Crying It Out Loud

It's 6:40 and Ethan is sleeping. I put him down about 20 minutes ago completely awake, and he was asleep within 5 minutes with about 30 seconds of very light crying. What a difference a few days make.

After my second to last post, the one detailing all the sleep issues we were having, we decided to let Ethan "cry it out." It's a sleep training method I did not really think I would ever use, but the worse Ethan was sleeping, the more I realized that it was what we needed to do. Will and I talked it over and started a gradual CIO regimen this weekend. We let him cry until we finally caved in and went to him. That was about 20-30 minutes after he started. He slept poorly both nights, waking up very often before midnight, and then sleeping in two hour increments. Finally, on Monday, we went for it full-throttle. One of the leading CIO proponents, Dr. Marc Weisbluth, whose book I have read, explains that having your child cry it out in gradual increments will actually make for more total crying and will take longer than if you simply do it all the way one night. We were terrified, though, because for some children this can mean well over an hour of crying. On Monday, though, Ethan cried for about 45 minutes before finding his pacifier, popping it in, and calming down. It's a good thing, too, because I don't think we could have taken that much longer. About 10 minutes after that, he was asleep. And he slept until almost 3am! Then, after eating, he went back down easily until after 6! His first nap that next day was an hour and a half, too! That is the longest nap he's had in so long. I was thrilled, and it gave me the motivation to take another night of crying. I had been warned by friends, that the second night could be worse, so I was very anxious. Miraculously, 12 minutes after putting him down last night, he was asleep, and he really didn't cry all that hard in those 12 minutes. Tonight, he hardly cried at all. In the words of The Monkey's, "I'm a Believer."

One thing that helped was that we set up a video monitor we got for free from the place we bought Ethan's crib. It has a little television monitor you can watch. That first night, Will and I were glued to the monitor, cheering for Ethan to find his pacifier to help him calm down. He had spit it out, but I had placed five in his crib all around him. :) When he finally found one and got it to his mouth, we were silently cheering!

There is still a bit of guilt I feel for letting Ethan cry it out, even though I truly believe it is in his best interest since sleep is very important to his development, now and later. There are many parents who believe it is an evil practice that teaches your child that you are not going to come to their aide when they need it. When I read this other side, it makes me sad. And, of course, as a mommy, you can't help but feel guilty when you listen to your baby cry and don't respond to it. Your heart aches more than a little, that is for sure. But when I saw how well-rested Ethan was in the morning, and when he greeted me with his great big smile, I knew it was OK. And the fact that he can go down so easily now takes away a lot of my anxiety. The fact of the matter is, when I'm tired and stressed, I'm not the best mom I can be. Now, both of us are better rested and happier. And I really just don't believe that an hour of crying at 6 months will affect him the rest of his life if he gets all the love he wants when he's awake. He doesn't seem deprived to me!

And, really, we were terribly lucky that Ethan took to putting himself to bed at night so quickly. The entire "training process" only caused an hour total of crying. When I think about him waking up so often every night, that is a lot more than an hour of crying, so it was definitely worth it. I have to thank my friend, Emma, who talked me through a lot of my concerns about having Ethan cry it out and was a great person to give advice since she was in my shoes last year. Emma is also the cloth diapering guru I follow, so her new nickname is Mr. Miyagi. Thanks you, master!

In other Ethan news, he had his first helmet follow-up helmet appointment today at Children's in the city. The orthotist measured his head and he has gained 3 mm where he needs to, after only 2 weeks with the helmet. Will and I are thrilled that the helmet really doesn't seem to bother him at all. He scratches his head a little when we take it off to clean it, but that's about all. He adjusted to it so quickly. And the stares from outsiders haven't bothered me either...much. I was only bothered yesterday when a woman did a double take and had a really rude look on her face and seemed to stare a little too obviously. I told Will I had a small fantasy of turning her around after she passed and punching her in the face. I guess that's the mama bear in me. But, really, we're used to it and think it's pretty cute. He almost looks strange when he doesn't have it on because we're so used to it. And it's proved quite useful in the past couple of days. Yesterday, I knocked him in the head with an umbrella but he was unscathed. And the other day, I took a corner too close and his helmet got bonked. He wasn't phased at all. :) A helmet isn't the worse thing when you have a klutz for a mother, I guess!

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!