The Right Decision

While it seems silly to experience some feelings of longing when Will tells me about the pointless meetings, long speeches, loss of network, et cetera during his first two pre-student days of school, I admit I did have a few twinges of jealousy. I miss my closest friendships at school and only wish I was there to commiserate/complain right along with them. That said, after my first two days alone with my toddler son, I am absolutely 100% sure we made the right decision. I have had so much fun with Ethan these past two days. It might be because I'm extra sensitive to the fact that I am fortunate to be home with him now, but he has seemed all the cuter, all the more lovable, and all the more fantastic to me. Here are a few mental snapshots that stand out to me from the past couple of days:

• sitting on the floor of your room in nothing but a t-shirt and diaper, morning bottle in your mouth with your head tipped back
• discovering the zinnias in the backyard for seemingly the first time and touching them gently, then not so gently (poor zinnias)
• spotting daddy when he came home from lunch and literally running down the driveway, arms outstretched, to give him a huge hug (This image, and a similar one from today, brought tears to my typically tearless eyes.)
• speaking your hilarious "digadigabagaga" language you have perfected and makes you sound like you're auditioning to be a minor alien character in a Star Wars movie
• picking up a weed and obediently throwing it in the bin, just like daddy taught you the day before, forcing me to wonder how long it will be before you know enough to not be entertained by child labor
• throwing your soccer ball to me, and by throwing I mean putting it behind your head and dropping it behind you
• vacuuming with me in the living room by grabbing the handle and helping me push
• running up to me and hugging my legs and burrowing your head into my pants before coming away with a great big smile up at me
• climbing into the car, unbeknownst to me or your dad, while I vacuumed it and standing on the seat with your hands on the steering wheel
• grabbing tomatoes from our garden, ripe or not, and the maniacal look of satisfaction brought on by your recent tomato-pilfering

And, finally...

• turning around in my lap during story time and putting your head on my shoulder in a melt-my-heart hug

Oh, Ethan, I love you more than a blog post could ever hope to capture, and these are just a few of the thousands of daily moments I treasure and will continue to treasure all year and in years to come.

And now, since pictures can sometimes speak louder than words, here are a few recent actual snapshots:

Here's Ethan looking at his first live fish. Grandpa Bill caught it for him in the lake, and it was hilarious to watch him watching it. Here, he has just thrown his shovel at the poor fish.
Close up of Ethan at our recent trip to the lake house. My family was there as well, which was a lot of fun but will not be pictorially documented due to family law concerning the display of beachwear on public forums.

Ethan loves this car!

Ethan spots some tomatoes...

...and he's got them!

On Not Returning to School this Fall (and pictures of Ethan for those of you who could care less about my feelings)

The other day, I passed a teacher supply store (The Chalkboard for all you educators out there) and I started to cry. The funny thing is, I did not go to The Chalkboard often as it mostly specializes in early educational materials, but seeing it made me think about the beginning of the school year and the excitement it brings. Those of you who are teachers know what I'm talking about, I imagine. We all mostly dread the end of summer for obvious reasons but also look forward to the start of the school year.

Admit it.

You do.

Here's why:

• There's something familiar about setting up your classroom, putting up your posters where you want them, arranging the pictures on your desk, placing your materials in filing cabinets, etc. And when you spend as much time at school as Will and I do, that classroom becomes part home. I always loved being in my room late in the afternoon when the school was mostly empty save the mice and a few janitors. The air was different somehow, and any idea I came up with in those late hours always seemed brilliant somehow.

• The friendships with teaching colleagues are like no other because you understand each other so well. I have many friends in my department, and it's strange for me to think about them going through those first couple of Institute Days - catching up on everyone's summer, making fun of the Hear Me Roar awards that go to the same people time after time, using the opening speeches as a time to organize their gradebooks - all without me. Does LT still function without me? Of course it does. But I often choose to think it cannot.

• The first week or so of class, while exhausting, is very interesting as you get to know your classes and pinpoint the troublemakers, the geniuses, and the kids who need a little extra lovin'. I will miss getting to know a whole new batch of freshmen. And then I will see these mystery students in town and will not recognize them because, alas, I'm not teaching them. My husband may recognize them, and they him, but they will all simply see me as Mr. Meuer's wife and nothing more. Not sure why this bothers me, but it does.

• When you're a teacher, a teacher who really cares about what they do, you cannot help but take pride in that fact. I, of course, still take pride in saying I am a stay at home mom, but I don't think I'll ever stop saying I'm a teacher, too, no matter how many years I take off. It's such a large part of who I've been, well before I even stepped into my own classroom.

Please, make no mistake about it. I'm happy with my decision to stay home and any sadness has nothing to do with not wanting to be home with Ethan. I imagine my previous post made it pretty clear how enamored I am with my young boy. I will treasure so much of the laughter we'll share all year and know how lucky I am for this chance to be at home with him. And I know it's a very important job, too. But I cannot help but mourn a little bit for my previous life, one that brought me a sense of belonging, great feelings of accomplishment, and, well, a husband!

A friend of mine is starting up a photography business, and she asked if she could take a few pictures of Ethan. She is going to be specializing in on site photography, basically meaning she'll come to you, and if you're interested, check out her website:

http://www.annamariesphotography.com/

(These are just a small sample of the pictures she took, and they are unedited. I couldn't wait for them all, so she sent me a few.)

My Cup Runneth Over

Since we've been home, I've thought of many topics to blog about:

• our landscaping (or lack thereof) woes and my secret desire to steal other people's perennials,
• Ethan's new dance and his great love of being nude,
• the painful (and I mean literally, not emotionally) reality of weaning,
• my feelings about not returning to school in the fall,
• the whirlwind that has been a very busy summer,
• and the benefits of my poor housekeeping skills.

Stay tuned for more on some of the above.

Today, boring as it may be, what I really would like to write about is how we've done a lot of nothing lately and really like it. We've enjoyed a fairly light couple of weeks with few obligations. Ethan, seemingly still recovering from his poor night sleep in Colorado, has been taking super long naps lately (this morning being a sad exception, unfortunately), and Will and I have taken quite a few naps ourselves. We've also done a lot of walking to town; playing at the park; playing and working in the backyard; and reading, for ourselves and to Ethan.

Side Story:
Some of you may remember my post a while back about the possibility of Ethan hating books after his library meltdown. Well, I'm here to tell you that my worries were for naught. Ethan LOVES books now. In fact, it can be downright frustrating since he has his favorites and wants you to read them to you over and over. It's annoying when I want to read Mommy's Best Kisses but Ethan wants to read a lame book called Time for School Mouse. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that his love of reading will continue. With Will and I as parents, I can't see how it won't but you never know.

There have been many days in the past week or so when I've paused in whatever I was doing and thought, Wow. I'm happy. Not that it's a big surprise and not that I was not happy before. It is just that our summer slowed down enough to really think about it. Even when we were having fun during a busy time of summer, we were too caught up in all the activities to really notice, I think. So, in the midst of some downtime, I thought I should be sure to document that, indeed, we are really enjoying ourselves this summer! And we're enjoying ourselves despite the fact that the house is a mess (Ethan destroys anything I pick up the minute he walks by), any summer projects are out the window, and school (for Will - sad) is quickly approaching.

Without a doubt, Ethan is a big contributor to our happiness right now. Back at home in his own crib, he's sleeping well again, and I'm enjoying a little more freedom now that he is officially weaned. Now, Will can put Ethan to bed and get him up in the morning without my help. Also, because Ethan's walking now, he's into everything, which is definitely not helping with the clutter/mess in the house but is still pretty hilarious. We typically close all doors upstairs so he can roam around the childproofed kitchen and living room. Even with such a small area in which to roam, he still gets into a good amount of mischief. The other day, Will opened the door to the office to find me on the computer. Here is our conversation from that day:

Will: Oh, you were in here?
Me: Well, yes, where were you?
Will: In the bedroom.
Me: Okay, then where is Ethan?
Will: He's in his room. He turned on his radio and is dancing.

Classic. He also really likes to tear paper apart, open and close anything, get in his baby pool with this regular clothes on, imitate laughter, transfer his clothing - one item at a time - to his other dresser, and dance to his barnyard fridge magnets. He has us laughing all the time, it seems, and it makes me very glad I'll be around this year for more fun.

Here is our goofy boy in some recent pictures:

He will open and close the door over and over. The problem comes when he closes the door all the way and can't get it open again.
When we actually want Ethan to go swimming, like when he's actually in his bathing suit, we have to bribe him to stay in by putting his car in the pool.
Here's Ethan's new bike helmet. :)
It's way too big right now, even with pads, but he did last 20 minutes on a bike ride the other day before he decided he was done.
We took this the other day when it got quiet (usually not a good sign) and we came to his room to find him reading on his floor.